Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Giving up... or giving in

"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he be a peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be." ~Abraham Maslow (1908-1970)

"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

"Life will resolve itself in the process of life itself. Let the moment play itself out.
Life knows what It has in mind and all is well." ~Neale Donald Walsch

I've been running into a lot of brick walls and dead ends with my photography in recent months. Nothing has been flowing easily and I've been getting very disillusioned with the whole thing. I must have asked myself a thousand times if photography is where I really even want to be any more. More than once I've considered giving up on it and heading in a completely new direction. I've been drifting off course. Compromising. I've lost touch with why I even started down this path in the first place. It's been a bumpy few months.

But, as the wonderful Neale Donald Walsch put it, "Obstacles are not opposing you, but merely and gently re-routing you." Sometimes it takes me a while to really get it. I've been trying to force open doors that were never meant to be opened. Heading in completely the wrong direction. And I've found myself asking - do I give up - or give in?

I've come very close to giving up, lately. Ever since the first night market at Cowes a couple of weeks ago, I've really been thinking about it. A lot. That was undoubtedly my lowest point. As I stood there on the foreshore that afternoon, I knew. It's just not where I'm meant to be heading. And that's when I decided that something really needed to change. After that, I made the decision not to do any more of the markets I've been doing these past few months. I'm going to have a sale, and offload all of my remaining artworks. And be done with it.

“What this power is I cannot say; all I know is that it exists and it becomes available only when a man is in that state of mind in which he knows exactly what he wants and is fully determined not to quit until he finds it.” ~Alexander Graham Bell ( 1847-1922)

Since then I've taken a step back from everything. I've been putting some space between me and my photography. Remembering why I made this choice in the first place. And realising, there's no way I could give it up, even if I wanted to. It has always been about so much more than just the photography. I think I just lost sight of that for a while.

Taking a step back was exactly what I needed to do. Since I made the decision to let go, the universe has responded in some most unexpected and positive ways. Things have been so difficult in recent months, made much more so by the recent passing of my younger brother. It's been an incredibly emotional time. Some tough spiritual lessons have had to be learned. But finally, it seems, things might just be turning around.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” ~Alexander Graham Bell (1847-1922)

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